I have to live, God has blessed and allowed me to. That is my future to live, until I can no longer. The beast wants to rob us of the happiness of living. I refuse to wallow in pain to make the beast happy. I know that my living bothers the beast. Too many women have died telling me to live for me not to live. Life is so precious, and until you have a brush of not having it you don’t know what a blessing it is to live.

To feel the sun, the wind and watch the trees blown by the mighty wind. I don’t have to spend money to live, I have to watch what I know is already there. My son mowing a lawn, when he would rather watch TV and lay down. My son picking up sticks one at a time, because he can and running two times is more fun than taking two sticks. Knowing that I made a perfect sandwich for my Hubby. The boys always beg me to make the sandwiches, because they taste better when I do. The joy of watching Pancho and Lefty run figure eights as fast as they can. Making the tea my family wants to drink, the coffee my son and Hubby never used to drink. The burgers that are lowfat and yet tasty. The drive down a farm road while watching for any critter to cross my path. The smell of fresh cut grass, and the fine cuts that attach to the bottom of my feet. God has blessed me in so many ways.

Cheryl was special. Cheryl fought the beast not once but twice, she never gave up. She continued to work until her body would not allow her to move. Her family was very emotionally and financially dependent on Cheryl. And for Cheryl it was a blessing, she was happy to be the supermom and breadwinner. She danced and laughed all the time. Her passing was not a surprise but every time a fellow warrior goes you keep thinking the beast will not be able to get to them.

Kathy was my breast cancer mentor. When I was first diagnosed, she got with me online and walked me through the process. God took Kathy January 2nd 2006. It was heart wrenching to watch her four kids without a mom that loved them so much. Her husband saw me, hugged me and I thought he could not let me go. I was in the middle of my recovery, and he was worried and happy to see me at the same time. Kathy was special to me, there are very few days I don’t thank God he led her to me.

Even though I am sad, I refuse to let the beast ruin my day. Life is too short for me to spend time on the beast, I have living to do.

What Kathy and God first taught me is to live and love. What Cheryl taught me was to laugh through the treatment. My life is richer for having known them both. I would love to say they are the only women my journey of breast cancer has seen die, but there are so many I have known and prayed for to triumph over the Beast that are no longer here on earth.

Each time does make it easier what it does do is make me mad at the Beast, and make me what to stay a winner. I will do anything to stop the Beast. It is not my friend, I know it has weaknesses in our numbers of survivors. Every day I live the beast is a loser.